Owwww

Uhg, so my period decided to finally show up today in teh middle of my first period, and was rude enough to bring some massively painful cramps with it, so bad that I had to call my mother to pick me up and take me home, simply because there was no way I could get anything done in school if I was hunched over in my seat moaning in pain.

So, for the past half hour, I've been lying in bed wioth a heat pad, waiting for the midol to kick in and reading Pride and Prejeduce. I've only just started feeling well enough to get up. I'm just glad I wasn't without tampons, cause that would have sucked!

Well, I have the hole day at home now, so I'm gonna work on my French and start on the two Othello Essays I have to do by Sunday and finish the vocab which is due friday, unless something decides to occypy me...

angels are rendered useless

Weeee!!!!!! I finally got a tripod!!!!! Woooooo!!!!!! It's not a super great one, but hey, beggars can't be choosers, and it works for me :)

AND I GOT PARAMORE TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!!!!!! *spaz attack* Omg, I watched a live video of them doing "Decoy" so fucking amazing, god, I can't wait.

:/ I should have gotten my period by now... I dunno what's going on, cause I'm deffinately not having sex with anyone, kthnksbaii. I dunno, maybe it's just one of theose things where you randomly get irregular...

Fuckk my life, I'm so tired. I'm tired and sick of school. Dad keeps yelling at me. *sigh*

sleep. I need sleep. Uhhhggg.

Woohoo, I'm officially 16!!!! Now I just need to get a job and save up every cent I make so I can get a laptop!

Uhhgg, i want my presents!!! I have to wait till my party to get them!! It's been so hard to not try and sneak into my parents room and look at them.

I'm so bored. I'm so tired of school.

And I really want a taco right now.

hahaha, could I be anymore childish?

help me leave behind a reason to be missed

Hhhhuurrrggg, I'm so tired. I just want to curl up in a very large, comfortable bed, and sleep until I WANT to wake up. I ache all the time that sometimes, I don't even notice it.

16th birthday next weekend, so far I have a grand total of...two people coming. Uhg, how pathetic am I?
Answer: very.

I'm also, apparently a serial killer.

We had a substitute in Journalism the other day, and he was doing all these little riddles with us, and he did this one, and he said that it was a psychological thing they did with suspected serial killers. He said that serial killers always give the same answer, and that regular people have a bunch of different answers.

"A Girl is at her mothers funeral and she see's a man she's never seen before there. She immediately falls in love with him. She wants to talk to him, but the funeral is in progress, so she waits till after. But after the service, she can't find him.
2 months later, she kills her sister."

The question is why.

Serial Killers will give this answer: "In hopes that she'll see the man at the funeral"

of course, that's the answer I got, mind you, it wasn't my first answer, I had to think on it a little bit, but it just when WHAM, slammed right into me, and I was bouncing in my seat, because I knew that was it, hahah.

I dreamed I was missing,
and you were so scared,
but no one would listen
cause no one else cared

This is getting almost unbearable, I can't take being upset like this all the time, and I don't know how to fix it.

hush

uhgg. My friends suck. I dislike this loneliness..

This computer situation is getting drastic. MY mom is starting to say no sometimes when I ask to use hers. My dad throws a mini hissy fit if I ask to use it anytime after mom gets home.

uhg. I hate my non existent love life.


Automatic Loveletter - Make-up Smeared Eyes
Left your t-shirt in my room, still smells of you And the picture you hung on the door lay smashed, picture perfect.
Explains now, clearly nothing left but a memory We only made out you never kissed me that's how I learned to hold back all feeling

Wait, please don't go, I won't stay.
All these words on replay. I'm ok,
It's alright, good to know that you're fine.

Pretending everything is right, to make it better.
I'll hide my make-up smeared eyes, to show that I'm fine.

Somehow you have managed to get under my skin, more than anyone ever did.
And if every hole makes a scar and every scar marks it's place
Then I will never live freely without your trace.
And it'll never be fair, I wrote my songs for you and you never even cared.
So I'll forget you, I'll wash your t-shirt,
Kill the pillow and cut you out of pictures

Wait, please don't go, I won't stay.
All these words on replay. I'm ok,
It's alright, good to know that you're fine.

Pretending everything is right, to make it better.
I'll hide my make up smeared eyes...

This drama sat shot gun
My eyes rained like autumn
Only the glove box knows
How the story goes
Now that this bandage is broken and
The cuts left in open
I'll tell you just one thing
This wasn't worth the sting

Last night wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be, dad only got a little buzzed and he was being funny as hell. I squirted him with the spray bottle(used when the cats are misbehaving) and he THREW his tea at me. It was very cold.

Yeah, I definitely don't have friends. No one EVER calls me, or IMs me or anything.
I wish I did though...

I hate depression.

:(

dad just came home with a six pack.

Gahhhh :(

fmngbfnkdgbkf

my freggin' guidance councelor pulled me out of class just to yell at me for my grades. WTF?

uhg, parents still fighting.

Yay for bloggin durning school!!

The freggin' vending machines are possesd!! They wont work!

And I'm starrrvvvinnggg!!

hit the ground running

great.

just great.

my parents are fighting again.

that's just....fantastic.

smiles and tantrums.

If I was having a good evening before it's gone now.

Dad felt the need to yell at me. Dick.

He's so grumpy all the time! Even though he has a steady job now, he's bring money in and working overtime.

I'm getting really sick of it.

give me what I came here for

Uhg. I wish my dad wasn't such a sarcastic asshole. Everytime I do something wrong he picks at it and picks at it! He's a pride killer. He FORCES you to admit you were wrong.

I'm so sick of it, it's not even funny. and the thing is, he doesn't even care.

pick my heart up off the floor.

Hurg. Lilith pretty much confirmed that it was clinical depression. Wonderful. Doesn't really change anything though. I refuse to see a shrink, and I will not take ADs.
I have been feeling a little better though this week, Despite the fact that none of my "friends" have made ANY contact with me over break. Fuckers. I made a new online friend, and he's really nice.
My online friends are better than most of my school friends. Am I the only one who sees a problem here? Ah well, it's nice to actually have someone to talk to again.
Fuck my computer. It needs to rot in hell.
The damn thing wont work. It wont start up. We don't know what's wrong with it. UHG!!!!!!!! I am so fucking sick of my computers never fucking working for me. I have gone through five fucking hard drives, it's crashed four fucking times, and even now it wont fucking work, after my dad has spent all the fucking time he's willing to fucking spend on the stupid piece of shit. So now I'm stuck using my mom's computer. And P.S. She's using it most of the time she's home!
and of course it' all my fault!! *sarcasm*At least in dad's head. Uhg. I didn't do anything to it, how could I have possibly broken it. And now he just, wont help me anymore. Bastard.
Uhhhgggg!! I don't wanna go back to school. I'll be unhappy again!! :(
Cause there's nothing more fun than sitting by yourself watching your "friends" have fun.