glitz-and-glamour web of secrets and lies

I can't sleep.
I've no idea why, I mean, I almost died this afternoon when I laid down.
I've started reading "I Was a Teenage Fairy: by Francesca Lia Block. I'd forgotten how much I love her books. I'll probably do a drawing of Mab sometime soon.

I wish I could lose weight. Yeah, I know, I'm skinny, everyone yells at me when I mention my weight, shut up. But honestly, I think I look awful in a bikini
-Shut up Renn, you're skinny, you have great legs(so I've been told)
Why don't you shut up? We have, in fact, looked in a mirror lately, and I'm not blind.
-You know what, the next time I hear you bag on us, I'mma...do something, I dunno, you're self-confidence sucks at life.
You suck at life. Why am I having a conversation with myself?
-There's no one else to talk to. Besides, you get all the answers you want.
Negatory, What kind of person likes telling themselves to shut up?
-A freak. Like you.
I agree with the freak part.
-You should go to bed.
I should, I have school tomorrow. But I suddenly want to clean my room. But It wont stay clean.
-Well, you'll have something to do when you want to clean your room again.
My tooth hurts again.
-Take some aspirin
I did
-Then quit bitching.
You're awfully mean for some that's me.
-Maybe you're just mean.
Maybe I am... I dunno, I don't talk to most people like I'm talking to myself now.
-You know, anyone who reads this is going to think you're insane.
So? Maybe I am insane. Besides, no one reads this.
-You're not insane, insane people don't have rules. You have many.
Wish I didn't.
-Shut up stupid, go to bed.
Muhh, fine!

Wooowww, I should get help.

if this is what you want, then fire at will

I'mma start reading Twilight for the 13th timeee :)

Pretty good day, boring, but okay.

I was right, Chemistry re-take was a faillll, ahahahahah. Uhg, I have a D in that class.

Hanging with courtney was funnnn, we had the most hilarious conversation about Bella and Edwards sex life, ahahah. Ohhh, and Bagging on this one guys mayspace pictures, ahahahahahah, omfg, "The fact that he can even say Edward Cullen is an enditment against the whole institution". Ahh, I love herr.

Uhhgg, I really don't wanna do H.O.P.E. tomorrow, I hate that fucking class, I have to take it to graduate, but It's better than having to take a bunch of gym, I suppose.

Well I gotta finish my homework, peaceee.

an extrodinary girl, in an ordinary world

Wow, haven't posted in a while.

Hmmm, can't remember what day it was, but Courtney tried to rape me in her leadership class, right on the table, in front of this kid who has a huemongo crush on me. He loved it, and was jelousss, hahaha, let's not go into what he did!

School pretty much sucks as usual, but I actually passed a freggin math test!!! I got an A!!! Ohhh shnizaa.

Me: *looks at paper* did you grade this right?
Mr. Cady: Um, yes?
Me: Ohhhh snap, it's a sign of the apocalypse!

ahaha, Mr. Cady is full of winnnn, loove it. I call him C-Hizzle. He totaly yanked me into his class during third persiod and helped me with the problems I'd skipped AMD gave me credit for them!

Anywauys, had a retake on my fail of a Chemistry test, and it deffinately didn't go well, it as harder than the first!!!! Fuck the what!

Courtney's mom is out of control. I'm serious, what is wrong with her, you don't say stuff like that to your kid. It's just not right, anyways, Courtey's hanging out with me tomorrow afternoon, my parents were gonna let her live with us for a few days(which means they really trust her after what happened with Mary), but her mum threw a bitch fit.

My hair needs to grow fasterrrrr!

I really want that Grimm Fairy Tales book, likke baddddd.

I think I'm finally done with my period for this 28 days! woohoo!

I totally donwloaded every single Danny Phantom episode. It took two fucking days, but I finally got them all. But I can't watch them yet :( I have to convert them to a format I can put on a DVD, cause my computer has no fucking sound. and Even then, I can only put like, 4 episodes per DVD, and there are like, 53, So I dunno, I'm hoping I can just get my sound back. Cause, 53 divided by four isss, I dunno, more than my dad is willing to give me I bet.

see 'em running for they're lives

I'm supposed to be in bed right now, but I'm not...my jaw hurts, and I'm waiting for the pain killers to kick in, so Until then, I'll be awake.

Typical day. Easy Geometry lesson, got a D in Chemistry right now (faiiiill) boring leadership class, and boring H.O.P.E. class

Mostly an uneventful day, I really don't have much to talk about right now. fsgjsfbgjfsZg so boreddd. Hahaha I;m not as bad at typing as I thought I was, I did most of this without looking at the keyboard :) (at least, most of this section :P)

isn't that much fun staring down a loaded gun

Today was okay :)

I was tired this morning, as usual *is always tired* but Geometry was good, it was an easy lesson, and I don't have too much homework tonight :) Chemistry was pretty normal, except that my friend Kristina was like, high off something, I dunno what was wrong with her. Apparently I have the cutest "Cute voice" she's ever heard 0_O But I started my bloody period at the beginning of that class and I was dying of cramps the whole time.

There was this "7 habits of a Proactive Person" seminar thing by the school seniors in 3rd period, it was pretty boring, but I won a Chocolate bar. ^_^ And then...

Joker and Batman walked on the stage!!!!! Weeee! You guys should know that Joker is one of my love interests :) even if it was just a student, he did the voice perfect, gosh, it was so funny, they had Him and bat man on "Dr. Phil" and it was pretty frickin hilarious, I loved it.

Dunring lunch, Courtney, she pretty much owns me now, had Midol! YAY!!!

H.O.P.E. was boring, we went outside, did two laps, and went back in to watch some stupid movie about Alcohol. Then I kinda snuck out of the gym like, a minute before the bell rang, so I coould be the croud some, and then grabbed my shiz, and went home. So now I'm here...

Yeahh.

we are so far from you

Finally got my hair dyed. It's a bit more red and lighter, not as light as I was hoping for though. I went shopping with my mum today, mostly for groceries, but I got a new shirt and a Joker poster. Love Joker <3.

Last night with Courtney was pretty much amazing, as usual. Love her to death. Took lotsa crazy pictures. She might be coming over tomorrow for this dinner thing my mum is doing to gt the family together. My cousin Katie is coming, yay, I miss her, she's one of my artistic inspirations :)

We had to run into the book store so my mum could get "Brisinger" for my sister. Of course, I was going nuts, cause there were so many books I wanted to get but I was the only one who didn't get something new to read *rolls eyes* she even got this discount, and still wouldn't get me the copy of all the Grimm fairy tales that I wanted. It was only twenty bucks. Flhgnjfsghljdfh, unfair.

Cheshire's in my lap at the moment, she's been sick, but she's doing better. We found out she was allergic to fleas. We usually let her go outside to use the bathroom, but we can't anymore, cause she'll get fleas. Anyways, she got a bath today, and she looks better, her fur feels healthier and it's starting to grow back :) I wuv my little Bitty-kins.

you've been struck by a smooth criminal

Meep, boring day. Woke up, got dressed, grabbed my school crap, went to school, we had a sub in geometry, a test in chemistry, did nothing in Leadership, and did nothing in H.O.P.E.

but then Courtney Fayeee Minchew came overrr. Best friend. Love her to death. We're watching "Closer" at the moment. Epic movie.

I wonder how some people manage to be so fickle about who they're in love with. Like, high school kids, they throw the word "love" around so easily...

Hm...

twilight movie rant

Don't like Twilight? Then go away and complain to someone who actually cares :)

The twilight movie will in fact suck. Here's why.

Robert Pattinson: When I first saw he was gonna be Edward, I was like "Ohh, yay, Cedric!" but as I saw more of him in the movie, I saw that he in fact looks a bit like a pedophile when done up like "Edward". He always looks like he's about to devour Bella, and not in the good vampire way that we all want. Carlisle is more attractive than Edward. That's not right, I mean, we all no Carlisle is defiantly swoon worthy, but he's not supposed to be more attractive than Edward

Kirsten Stewart: What the hell, she looks like a man. She sounds like a man. What happened to the Emily Browning thing Stephenie was going for? Emily is adorable! I mean, just look at her lips! And she doesn't have a masculine voice! Kirsten's just...blech...

Other Cast Decisions: Jasper; what the hell is wrong with your hair? Did you get in a fight with a vacuum cleaner? Apparently it won... Rosalie: I don't think the girl is pretty enough. Laurent: They picked a black guy. I'm not racist in the smallest amount, but whaa? Victoria: Dye you hair red, hon.

"Running": Yeah...running. Not jumping through trees like some Naruto freak, running. I mean, honestly, did they even read the book?

The Fight Scene: Terrible. Truly Terrible. They weren't even in a dance studio! Trust me, I know, I took ballet for three years, and that was not a dance room. And again with the jumping thing, and Bella was supposed to have blood pouring from the back of her head. I didn't see any blood. I would have imagined James throwing her harder too. I mean, there was no pain in her expressions! And also, Edward and James weren't supposed to actually fight, and Bella was supposed to be already passed out on the floor when he get's there.

Edward's Car: Fail. Stephenie had a picture of his car up on her site, so why do they have the wrong automobile?

Car Touchy Scene: This isn't even supposed to be there. His hand brushes hers in the Biology class. And this scene is a perfect example of Robert's fail at an ambivalent expression. AS I said before, he looks like her about to start gnawing on her face.

This movie has one Pro to it. His name is Taylor Lautner. He's so cute :) Perfect Jake.

Other wise, this movie will suck in my opinion.

I'm disappointed :(

they say I don't get it.

This is a rather old...thing...I wrote back in like 8th grade. But I like it :)

"

Love. They say I don't get it.
But I do.
Love is not when you can't stop making out with a guy because he's such a good kisser. No, sorry that's what us people with sense call lust.
Love is not when a guy "really understand you" after a month, then wants to get your shirt off that's called a booty call, not love.

And Maybe he does care, or maybe he really does have every intention of taking the time to put on a condom, maybe you too are totally sure that this is it, this is the one, maybe you're completely aware of the consequences, and are totally ready to take that step, maybe he really isn't just trying to get his tongue in your mouth are something like that. I don't know, I can't read minds. . .

I get it. Really I do. I've just never experienced it in any sort of degree besides relatives. I know enough to know that love is when you're heart tries to jump out of your chest every time this person touches you, and I don't mean like grabbing you ass ,okay? Like, with ever infinitesimal amount of contact. I get that, I've just never felt it. I get that love is when that person tells you your beautiful when you know you look like complete and total crap, and then you believe them. Yeah, I understand that, I've just never experienced it before. I understand that love is when you can spend a moment with this person, just sitting with them, and you'd sell you're soul if it meant that you could live in that little moment for the rest of eternity. I really do get that.

Is it really necessary to feel it to completely understand it? Isn't it enough to just get a brief summery of it and go from there? Do you really have to fall in love to know what someone's talking about when they say "I'm gonna be with the person for all my life"?

Love. They say I don't get it.
I think I do.
I really think I know what it means when you would tear yourself away from a person you love, even if every moment you're separated from them tore your heart into thousands of teeny tiny pieces, even if you knew you could never live without them, if doing so would keep them safe.

I get it but never felt it. So why does everyone treat me like I'm out on some huge secret?"

Hmmmm...

I'm starting to think I don't get it as well as I though I did

what if I wanted to break

Stayed home from school yesterday, I threw up Monday-scratch that, early Tuesday morning(around 4AM) so, I stayed home. Which was nice :) But, I'm getting sick cause of stress, and If I keep missing school, I wont be able to exempt my exams(only if I get over a B in my classes) I hate school

last night sucked. I didn't sleep well, was up till 21, so I was also really tired this morning. Almost fell asleep in Chemistry

Chemistry Chapters 1-3 test= FAIL. 48%, ahahahaha. The class average was 56%, that test was so hard!

I complain a lot. At least on here. Tell me if you half care :)

this is stupid and contagious

I have a new love :) JTHM. It thrills me. I should have my mind checked, Killing is rather easily justified in books for me to be a normal fifteen year old...Or maybe a lot of people are like that, they just don't want to admit it so they can seem normal.

Anywho. Today was sucky. Nothing bad happened, it was just one of those days that just ucked for no reason. You know, like when you wake up and you just know you're gonna have a bad day? Yeah, one of them. Stupid school.

School's killing me. I barely have any friends, I think about the future, tests and stuff, but I have no will to do anything about it. It's scaring me, I need to get into college, and if my grades are crap, I can't do that. *sigh* It was fun last year, why isn't it this year?