i'm so sick

i'm so sick of everybody and their stinkin' boyfriends.

and If I sound bitter, I am, so leave me alone.

I hate feeling alone.

who ever you would have been.

Woah.

It was actually cold today.

I was shivering! It was actually cold! Which is a big deal here, especially in October.

Right, so one of my group members for the Leadership project still wasn't hear today, so we had to do it without her, and seeing as she had the note cards for the Verbal Quiz at the end, and was supposed to do the "Win-Lose" and "Lose-Win" lesson, Brenda and I were scrambling throughout the whole thing, I was definitely tearing the back of my neck up (Nervous habit: I rake my fingernails over the back of my neck) The only thing that went well was the video I made, and that's cause I make the best videos in sophomore magnet. :)

Mary was at my bus stop again. I think she was trying to throw daggers at me, cause she kept looking at me, but I totally ignored her, she just ants attention, as usual. *rolls eyes*

I exersized like a crazy person last night, so my abs were sore all day, but I'm gonna do it again tonight.

one step closer

Horrible day. Awful

Chemistry exam - fail.
Math exam - D
Mary was at my bus stop.
The rest of my group wasn't there for the leadership assignment
My jeans ripped and now have a big hole in them at the crotch.
I feel totally inflexible.

I'm gonna start stretching like mad. I wanna have a straddle by the end of the year. Hopefully sooner, but I don't wanna kill myself. I'm gonna try exercising more, so far, Legally Blonde isn't a physical strain, so it's not doing to much..

meh.

dare you to move.

I'm growing up.

I still act like a child, but my preferences, the way my bedroom looks, the books I read, the way I dress, It's all different.
My room has no posters, they're all under the bed. It never stays messy for long, everything's mostly organized.
My clothes are different, the only reason I still wear a lot of black is because my family doesn't have the money to buy me new clothes. Graphic tee's that I used to love are now only worn for pajamas.
I'm making a serious effort to cut down on swearing. I started getting in trouble for it for school, and I kinda realized how unattractive it as :/
I'm getting mad into photography, when it used to just be something I did when I wanted to make some sort of Alice or Twilight manipulation with it. I'm gonna try and save money when I get a job to get my own camera. I asked my mum for a Instant Picture Polaroid

Not gonna lie. I act like a bit of an eight year old. I creep out people in grocery stores by dancing down the isles. I throw things into the cart instead of setting them down. I over react a lot. I rap along to the "Handlebars" song. I snap at my sister for silly things. I make funny faces at people during tests in school. I call my Geometry teach "C-Hizzle"

But there are differences.

scares the hell outta me

Yeah, my friend Gillian is officially hilarious.

Gillian: *about to do handstand* If I die or hurt myself just...call my mom, kay?

Later

Gillian: *randomly burst out from behind curtain doing "positive" dance.
Courtney: omfg, Gillian, what are you doing?!?! ahahah(yeesh, I can't type today!)
Me and Kristina *still doing "positive" dance, no idea what's going on* Huh?

Yeahh, hahah, This is gonna be great. :)

I bit my lip. It's bleeding.

Exams tomorrow, I have to take all of them :( Wish me luck!

this is harvard, not a stripper bar

So, now I'm in this performance thing.

Courtney needed people for it, and she's like "Renn, you're auditioning for Legally Blonde"
"Wahhh?"
So yeah, I'm in it, and it's...kinda like being a kid Pussycat Doll, hahah. We seriously have to like, grope ourselves on a stage in front of Judges o_O That'll be akward. Gosh I haven't danced in forever, but it sounds like it'll be fun :)

spread a sence of urgency

Haven't posted in a while.Weekend was pretty boring. I took apart my bunk bed, took my sister twin size, and rebuilt the bunk bed in her room. So now my room doesn't look microscopic.

Exams coming up. Hopefully I'll be able to exempt most of them. I will fail chemistry. I have to take the exam, and that'll be horrible. I already have a 64 :( If I fail I have to take the class again!

I really need a job. This is getting ridiculous.

My mum started smoking. :( Mhur, I'm upset about it, but I'm not mad at her. Things are really bad right now, Dad might go bankrupt if business doesn't pick up. Both my parents are strung really tight. I'm scared. I hope we get through this soon.

eeph.

call me when you're sober

right, so, Daddy nearly cut his thumb off on Saturday, he accidentally set it down on a table saw. He walks out of the house as we pull up with a large amount of gauze wrapped arou nd his thumb, the first thing I said was "What did you do?"

Yay! No school Friday!

Boo! pre SATs tomorrow :(

We had to run a mile for H.O.P.E. today, in like 90 degrees temperature. It was so tiring, I'm not saying my score cause it's embarrassing, mind you, it was under 15 mins.

Meh, really not much to say today.

wish I could take this back

Okay, if you're reading this, you probably know me. I'm not the "emo" type, most of the time I'm pretty good at keeping my emotions in check, and I don't freak over silly things.

But I'm just so strung out right now. I'm just..uhg, I can't even find the right word. School is so hard, my family is driving me insane, the only reason I can't take a joke right now is cause I'm bloody exhausted, Mary wont leave me alone, and Jay...let's not. I can't get enough sleep, I'm gaining weight, and I just can't seem to catch up on anything!

And now I can't find my god damn pen!!!

FUCK!!!

okay, swearing over.

Mehh, I feel like crying, but crying is icky, so I wont do that.

wide awake

right so, its 7:30. On a Saturday. And I'm wiiiide awake. Whats wrong with this picture?

Courtney's mom sucks. Snatched her away from my place to do her chores and then wouldn't let her come back when they were done. Mhurr.

so it was a boring night.

Except I had a weird dream about going to my aunts place...

crashed on the floor when I moved in.

ahahha, wow, killer day :)

1st block: Pretty freeking amazing. Definitely the highlight of the week. Mr. Cady is officially the coolest teacher ever. Frisbee Fight Club!!!!! Okay, so we had just finished SSR and we were getting ready to go over our test correctives, and he goes to his cabitnet and he's like "Gosh darn, I have so many foam frisbees." and he starts throwing them around in the classroom! So, outbreaks this strait up war with foam frisbees! We're all just chucking them at every one. Ithink I almost died from laughing to hard. You should have seen Mr. Cady going after Ben Farnum! Ahahahahahaha! It was epic! I've NEVER loved a math class before. But this is officially my favorite class!!!!

2nd block: Chemistry, boring, we took notes on Electron configuration.

3rd Block: Leadership, okay, we got to run around school campus on a scavanger hunt for Team Building activities.

4th Block: H.O.P.E. Boring, we wthced a movie about "Unhealthy relationships" Some girls Boyfriend kept hitting her and then he killed her when she wanted to break up with him. How original!

So now Courtney's over :) Love her, so we're probably just gonna hang out. Unless we get and "Unexpected" visitor *wink* Mmmm, fun :)

jesus

she just IMed me again.

Freeking whore.

If you people had any idea how irritated I am right now.

Why can't he just leave me the fuck alone??

'till everything burns

Guh, long day. Got a D on a Geometry test, and I think I did rather poorly on a chemistry test.

But my Leadership teachers liked the video I made for my part of the project, I have to make some of the slides longer, and fix a few spelling errors, but other wise, she said it was really good :) I'm not the type of person to toot my own horn, but I haven't seen anyone in 10th grade magnet make a better video than me as of yet. Shizam.

Erph, I've been thinking about when my parents almost split up over summer break. That was so scary, I cried all day, which really says something cause, I hate crying, I think I gave Courtney a heart attack. I honestly though my life was just gonna suck for the rest of eternity. And then I found out it was like, the fifth time it had happened! Fuck the what! I mean, all parents squabble every now and then, but I'd never seen my parents really fight. Gosh, I hope it never happens again, that was afwul, he wouldn't even look at her.

Just needed to get that off my chest.

I'm indesperate need of a job. I want my own bloody camera! Mom won't let me take hers anywhere. "You'll break it!". Like hell. My crappy little digital one eats though batteries in like, 15 mins! And Mom's camera focuses! Can't compete with that.

Anyways, If I could just get a job, I could buy my own camera. But no, no one wants to hire me :(

Meh.

Hhahaha, me and my random noises.

breathing's a burden we all have to bear

"Midnight workings, weather down the storyline
I try to find the truth between all the lies
When Bleeding is feeling and feeling ain't real
Will I see you when I open my eyes?
Will I see you when I open my eyes?

When Breathing's a burden we all have to bear
And trust is one thing we're taught never to share
Somehow you just seem to shine
When loving means breaking and saying goodbye"

Uhggg. Life irritates me. I'm getting sick of people loading their problems on me. I need a day where everyone can just take care of themselves for once. I mean seriously, every time I try to go to someone with a problem I've got, they make it about them. And I'm not saying everyone I know does that, just some people. And when people make up excuses for their behavior. "Oh, I didn't sleep last night, and my dad's a jerl" Boo fucking woo, that doesn't make it okay for you to ask like a dickhead.

And some people are just so over-dramatic about the stupidest fucking shit. Yes, Mary, I'm talking about your sorry ass. And your idiot, Nick. You both can grow up, cause I'm sure everyone is just as sick of you and your imbecilc nature as I am.

There's a lot I wish I could say, but most of it I'd get in trouble for, or get judged, and I really don't need any of that right now.

"Just once in my life
I think It'd be nice.
Just to lose control, just once"

Sorry, I'm on a massive music attack right now, it's keeping me sane at the moment, I don't think It'd be very good If I started screaming and breaking and throwing things.

I dunno, I just feel so tired and claustrophobic.

trjhnajgnfdajjh hate life and school. I have to go work on a fucking project.

the tase of blood and chocolate in my mouth

Okay weekend. Friday was good. Hung out with Courtney Faye after school. Went to Wendy's. Some fucker stole my money out of my back pocket. We were ordering our food, and I felt something brush my...well...my butt, anyways, I looked back and there were two black kids walking by, I didn't think much of it, there wasn't much space, so I just figured it was an accident. Until the guy at the counter was giving us our food and said "Hey, you know that kid just took you're money" So, I started rummaging. Hey, what do you know? My two dollars were gone. So I was like "omfg, are you kidding?" and the guy at the counter's like. "Do you want it back" The two black kids had like, five other friends there, and I wasn't in the mood to get jumped, so I said "No, it was just two dollars, don't worry about it" So we go sit down, and the guy at the couter goes into the kitchen. And then the fucking manager walks out and is like "Hey, give that girl her money back."

You know how them friggin punk kids are "We didn't steal shit man, I ain't gotta steal nuthin' man. I didn't take her fucking money" and just talking shit to the manager, so he's like "We got it on tape, we saw you gra the money outta the girls back pocket!" whatever, so I got my money back, It was just stupid.

After that, we walked to the library to hang out, and then courtney's stupid mom came and picked us up. She dropped Maura off, the took me and Courtney to my place. It was mostly uuneventful, we just hung out and stuff.

Until I got an IM from Mary!

OMFG it was fucking hilarious!!! Me and Courtney were dying with laughter! At first she said she wanted to be friends again, so I was ike "fuck off" and then we spent the rest of the time insulting each other, of course, I won, cause I cna be a real bitch when I want to, and I managed to do so while sounding thoughroughly intellegent (big words are full of win) and when mary tried using lengthy words, it was just an epic fail :), anyways, I got bored and blocked her, and I was like "I wouldn't be surprised if she made another SN to bug me.

And she did.

I ran though the house screaming "AHAHAHAHAHA SHE MADE ANOTHER SCREEN NAME!!!!! I'M A FUCKING PHSYCIC!!!!!!" and then I just ignored her and blocked her again. I hate when people do that, make more screen names to talk to you again. I mean, honestly, if I blocked you, I think I've made it rather apparent that I don't want to talk to you. Whatever.

Fuck school.

seated and sweating to a dance song on the club's PA

More uneventful days.

I'm falling behind on math homework :( I left my binder at home the other day, so I didn't get the assignment done, but Mr. Cady said I could turn it in tomorrow, and I didn't even finish tonight's assignment. I'm debating on doing it when my parents go to bed, but I have to get up earlier that usual tomorrow to catch the bus t school, case it's senior skip day and my ride is skipping.

Courtney Fayee is coming over again tomorrow night :) I'm staying with her after school while she does this dance thingy with Maura and the her dumbass mom is picking the three of us up, dropping Maura off at her place, then driving us over to my house. It's gonna be madddd fun.

I decided to give my boredome buddy a name :) You know, how I was kinda talking to myself in the last post? Yeah, I'm not crazy, it's just massive side effects of chronic boredome. Anyways, her name is Jenna. Dunno why, it just is. Got a problem with it? Go thrash someone who isn't out of give-a-damn.
Jenna: Whoop, a name, I'm thrilled. *sarcasm*
You are just never happy are you?
Jenna: Well, what kind of gay name is Jenna?
There's nothing wrong with it. Besides, I could have named you something like...Ferdinand Zogbaum or something, so be greatful.
Jenna: that's a weird fucking name.
I know, right!! I think I'd kill if that was my name. Why am I not tired???
Jenna: Um, cause you took a nap this afternoon?
Do you have a contradiction to everything?
Jenna: I'm only saying what you want me to say. After all, I don't exist and you only made me to entertain yourself while you're bored and blogging.

ANYWAYS! Decided I'm going to homecoming with Courtney and Aerial. Dunno what I'm gonna wear yet, mum said she might be able to get me a new dress, but that wouldn't be fair, cause we're so tight right now. But the nice dresses I have bore me now :(

Ah well, it's late and I really should try and get some sleep.