never knew I was such a trooper

I would have though that I would have snapped by now, cosidering my depression hasn't seen any improvement

I'm so tired and sick of being lonely. I need someone to talk to. Someone I can trust, someone who's tangible and understanding and nonjudgmental. I don't need some shrink giving me AD's they wont work. I know what I need to fix this. I just can't help but be terrified that I'm setting myself up for disappointment.

Everyone in my world knows that there are problems that I keep silent, but do they care? I think not. They have their own problems to deal with, and I accept that, I do. I'm not the center of the universe. Everyone has problems.

But maybe we could use each other to get a way for a bit.

you'll only make it worse

i hope there's a good reason why he's not e-mailing me back, otherwise, I think I'll cry. :(

faint

I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everyone can see
these scars
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe
this is real
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I got

[Chorus]
(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make
sense
I am what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear
me out
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got

[Chorus]
(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

(No)
(Hear me out now)
(You're gonna listen to me, like it or not)
(Right now)
(Hear me out now)
(You're gonna listen to me, like it or not)
(Right now)

(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

[Chorus]
(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

I can't feel
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

god, I'm so tired of my life.

don't worry about me committing suicide, I have too much hope that it'll get better to kill myself.(though it never does)

give me more paper flowers

If my parents were to find out that I've been suffering from depression for the past several months, and if I explained why, one of two things would happen:

Either dad would tell me to buck up and that I was being a wuss.

Or mom and dad would both feel bad that they hadn't noticed it sooner and that part of it was their fault, and then I'd have to deal with the guilt of that.

so it's best for me to suffer in silence.

parents

do not care about the social needs of their children.

I haven't seen anyone in days...

I've hung out with one person in the past three weeks....

adding to the list

more random factoids

-I'm allergic to mosquitoes, guinea pigs, nerds rope and sour skittles.
-music can effect my mood
-I only draw when I can't photograph it
-I hate bodily functions
-I will have a million cats when I get older
-If I didn't care about people and what they though, I'd be evil.
-apparently, I'm a serial killer.
-I love mind games
-Sometimes I feel too old to be sixteen. I'm so ready for adulthood.
-I need my permit
-I'm a pessimistic optimist
-I'm an optimistic pessimist.
-suck it
-I want to lose ten pounds.
-I hate when I say something negative about myself, like above, and people are like "I can't believe you said that, if you think you're fat then you must think I'm fat and that hurts me"
STFU. I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about me and for you to say something like that only means you think you are and I'm not gonna hear you putting it on me.
-If it bothers you that much anyways, then do something about it, good lord.
-No, I don't think I'm overwirght, but I still want to lose ten pounds. Go away.
-I'm losing faith in humanity, one person at at time.
-I don't trust people.
-call me heartless, most people do.
-I hate emotions. They ruin everything.

I miss friends

I miss feeling like people actually liked me with out being weirdly obsessed. I miss having something to look forward to on the weekends, and having someone to hang out with after school.

I feel like I bore everyone, and the worst thing is:

I bore myself to.

I'm beginning to hate every fraction of my existence.