I dreamed I was missing

There's something wrong with me. There has to be, I'm so upset all the time. I have to pretend I'm happy just so I don't have to wallow in self-pity(which makes me feel weak and idiotic)
I have all this bottled up passion and nothing to do with it, nowhere for it to go. Music makes it worse. My shoulders and neck always ache.
I hate all my flaws. I hate my weight. I hate how I can't feel good about myself to some degree without wearing make-up.
I can't drive, I failed my french class, I have no job, and I suck at cooking. I feel so useless
It's getting harder and harder to get up and go to school. Sleeping is my favorite past-time. I have no will to do my school work. I feel like I'm giving up on something without ever even wanting to.
And there's no one to talk to. No one to confide in. I don't want people to know I'm not as happy as I look, and I don't want to be the little depressed girl. I don't want to talk to my parents about it. My mother pushed me into telling why I was so angry all the time, and I told her I felt lonely a lot(which is part of it). I don't want my parents to worry about it, there's enough going down already. I don't want people casting sideways glances at me to check my expression, and I don't want some shrink telling me what I already know.
But I just don't know what to do anymore

leave out all the rest

lonely.
I feel so incredibly lonely. I wish I had someone to talk to.
No, nothing's happened to bring this on. Other than perhaps beginning to read Midnight Sun. Twilight is my favorite series of books, and yet they always depress me because I know I'll never be accepted that way.
I find myself wishing to tell all to someone, despite the fact that I keep my secret's like a dragon guards treasure.
Who am I kidding? Anyone in the right mind would put distance between me and them if they knew everything about me. Ether from revulsion(thoroughly understandable. Harsh. But understandable) or from not wanting to be caught up in someone who is such a mess (Still understandable. Not quite as harsh.) I can't tell you.
Sometime I think I'm easily trusting, now that I think about it...I'm not. Trusting people would spill all. Look at me. A bundle of secrets. I hate me.
I hate getting upset over stupid things. I hate the fact that the last time I cried as a mere few months ago.
stepheniefuckingmeyerihateyouformakingmerememberhowemptymylifeis.
bitch.