I dreamed I was missing

There's something wrong with me. There has to be, I'm so upset all the time. I have to pretend I'm happy just so I don't have to wallow in self-pity(which makes me feel weak and idiotic)
I have all this bottled up passion and nothing to do with it, nowhere for it to go. Music makes it worse. My shoulders and neck always ache.
I hate all my flaws. I hate my weight. I hate how I can't feel good about myself to some degree without wearing make-up.
I can't drive, I failed my french class, I have no job, and I suck at cooking. I feel so useless
It's getting harder and harder to get up and go to school. Sleeping is my favorite past-time. I have no will to do my school work. I feel like I'm giving up on something without ever even wanting to.
And there's no one to talk to. No one to confide in. I don't want people to know I'm not as happy as I look, and I don't want to be the little depressed girl. I don't want to talk to my parents about it. My mother pushed me into telling why I was so angry all the time, and I told her I felt lonely a lot(which is part of it). I don't want my parents to worry about it, there's enough going down already. I don't want people casting sideways glances at me to check my expression, and I don't want some shrink telling me what I already know.
But I just don't know what to do anymore